Bonus: Norris can double as a Soviet bunker circa 1977!
Rumor has it that Northwestern is full of nerds, but I bet you’re thinking that the class of 2017 is gonna be different. “We’ll socialize!” you say, “We’ll never set foot in the library!”, “We’ll skip office hours to go to impromptu jam sessions on the lakefill!”
Ah, how grand it is to be young and naive. I bet you also think that, during all of your so-called ‘free time,’ you’ll spend hours laughing and being merry with friends in the student union, pausing from your leisure only to accept a beer from your waiter, or to play with one of the freely roaming puppies.
I’m here to burst your bubble and tell you that Norris is nothing like the heavenly place you have been dreaming about.
The Lakefill is an important part of Northwestern life. That’s why we have decided to bring you the unabridged and completely factually accurate 53-second history of it. Enjoy!
What is this, a fucking pamphlet telling me to go to NU?
Written by Cobra Lederham
Created by Cobra Lederham, Manua Hiki-Hiki
Is it true that Morty once took Margaret Thatcher to a nice dinner and never called her back?
Because 33 things that go through the mind of every Northwestern student (almost) every day just wasn’t enough.
1) OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN ALL THE WORLD WHY DID TISDAHL HAVE TO SHUT DOWN MINE.
2) No but it’s fine The Keg wasn’t that great I’ll just go somewhere else in Evanston OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WHERE ELSE.
4) It’s April. Why the fuck do I need to wear a Northface in April.
5) If BK was a McDonalds I would be broke and fat.
At this afternoon’s Political Union in the Northwestern University Norris Center, Evanston mayor Elizabeth “Lizzly the Grizzly” Tisdahl claimed that “closing down The Keg was one of the best things [she had] ever done.” Needless to say, this inflammatory statement is an affront to any Northwestern student who has enjoyed an otherwise uneventful Monday night at The Keg – let alone the ETHS students who don’t even have other viable outlets to hone their raging skills. This is the equivalent to Jimmy Carter taking proud ownership of the Iranian Hostage Crisis, or Creed taking proud ownership of their music. It also begs the question: If this is only one of the best things E-Tizzy has accomplished, then what would she consider to be some of the others?
As evidenced by the video above, the lakefill is shining, Core is hopping, and Morty Schapiro is grinding down Groovy Street. Oh, it’s just another day at Northwestern.
So to the class of 2012: Way to go. Try not to miss us too much, and good luck in Realworldland. Class of 2016: better start lacing up your down-with-bad-self shoes. And if you don’t own any, it’s time to make that purchase.
Thanks to all the beautiful ‘cats that let me film them at their wildest, including Boomshaka, fellow ShermanAviators, a certain CA, Carlejandro, Dami, Sarah, Shepard 4th floor, the two lovely and spontaneous strangers in Core at 3 AM, and (of course) Morty Schapiro.