Said everyone when The Office stopped running.
For those of us who are soon-to-be rising seniors, The Office has been a fixture in our lives since we were greasy haired seventh graders trying to cope with the idea that there could be letters in a math problem (seriously, WTF still?). Although the last few seasons have been lackluster, we have to admit that we used to drop everything on Thursday night to invite Michael, Pam, Jim, and Dwight into our homes and our hearts. So in celebration of tonight’s series finale, let’s take a look at some of the adolescent milestones we experienced over the course of The Office‘s nine-year tenure.
2005: Received some wisdom from your middle school health teacher.
2006: Went to your first school dance. You were too scared to grind to Ms. New Booty, but you managed to blend in somehow.
Lake Michigan was reportedly near a rolling boil.
EVANSTON – Four Northwestern students were sent to North Shore Evanston Hospital earlier this afternoon, suffering from severe heat illness due to temperatures rising dangerously close to 60°F.
The hospitalizations occurred between the hours of 1pm and 3pm, as students found themselves stranded on the lakefill during the day’s peak temperatures. As of 4pm, all four were stable and mostly recovered.
Weinberg sophomore Eddie French, the first student to be sent to the hospital, recounted the incident. Continue reading
You’re basically the MLK Jr. of film-goers.
While I fully appreciate the convenience of Netflix, Hulu, and Comcast On Demand, I usually prefer to see movies in the theater. A trip to the theater is an event. Movie theaters provide a change in scenery, access to the grossest foods you could dream of, and a much-needed break from my nonexistent life at Northwestern.
Luckily, here at Northwestern, there are literally thousands of nerds to choose from when it comes to finding a movie buddy. There was no shortage of people to accompany me to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I, The Lion King in 3D, and Wreck-it Ralph. I even managed to find a person with whom I could watch trees, cosmic swirls, and a stern-looking Brad Pitt on a loop for 139 minutes in The Tree of Life.
So it’s sex week again, and while those with sex lives (or just lives in general) are out getting some, those of us who
write for Sherman Ave aren’t as fortunate are with the only thing that’s ever loved us – videogames. So while I sit in my hallway, trying to not hear the sounds of my roommate’s passionate encounters, I couldn’t help but think of the top six Pokémon that make me wanna use the moves “Harden” and “Pound.”
“I want it that way.” With Ditto, that phrase is not just the name of a song by the Backstreet Boys. Much like Burger King, Ditto lets you have it your way. Ditto can transform into anyone you want – Jennifer Lawrence, that hot girl in your bio class, your Russian Lit TA, Jennifer Lawrence…the possibilities are endless. Fantasies could be fulfilled. Plus, doing it would be less gross, because it wouldn’t seem like you were doing it with a Pokémon. Which, when you think about it, is pretty weird.
Good idea, or great idea?
Often referred to as being ‘hotter than Moltres, but in a different way.’ Alternatively known as ‘that one Pokémon that’s kinda racist.’ Really the only Pokémon that is blatantly supposed to look like a trashy ‘lady of the night.’ Also the only one given boobs for no apparent reason. Considering that “Kiss” is one of its moves, as well as “Lick,” its ready for anything. It’s not designed to look like a seductress for nothing. It just wants you to go ahead and ‘Cubone’ it. Come on. Its not weird to admit you’ve thought about it. Okay, it is weird, but not that weird.
Anderson, immediately prior to engaging Sullivan in a conversation on the development of integral calculus.
EVANSTON — An MIT student visiting his high school friend here in Evanston has noted that “Northwestern hot is really, really hot.”
Tony Anderson, a native of Joliet, Illinois studying engineering at MIT, spent most of his night attempting to score with lines such as, “Quaecumque sunt very very horny,” and “I’ll show you my Willie the Wildcat if you show me your Tim the Beaver.”
“He was kind of cute,” said eyewitness and potential love interest Jennie Sullivan. “He knew all the Korean lyrics to Gangnam style as well as the ‘Eyyy sexy laday,’ which was pretty cool. I just wish he’d broken eye contact. It was like the opposite of walking down Sheridan.”
Want to come back to my place and finish our discussion on Freudian Theory?
Recently, I was at a party with my gals dancing the night away, celebrating being done with yet another quarter of my godforsaken Spanish class, when a sweaty guy from my class came up to me and started a conversation. It went as so:
Boy: Ammonia$ta?! [puts an arm around my shoulder and drunkenly leans on me] Totally didn’t recognize you! You’re like, actually attractive!
Boy: Yeah like…how come you don’t come to class looking like this? Totally would have hit on you.
A$: Oh uh… [trying to get out from under his arm without making him fall over] I’m just lazy I guess.”
Boy: [Laughs because he thinks I was joking and walks away]
Every once in a while, some poor soul accidentally visits Sherman Ave while searching the Internet for content unrelated to an actual Sherman Ave article.
The advent of Google Images—a service created to allow users to search the Web for image content—is largely responsible for this heinous phenomenon that brings hundreds of viewers to our site on a daily basis.
In a sense, it is an honor to think that when Google designed a search engine with billions of searchable pictures based on image keywords, link texts, and text adjacent to the image, it was for the sole purpose of efficiently transporting consumers hungry for Jessica Rabbit porn to our humble blog. Apparently there’s been a dearth of images related to Iceland, and we’re always more than happy to fill that blatant-copyright-infringing void.
Part 3 of Sherman Ave’s last-minute attempt to spread misinformation on all things Oscars in order to emerge victorious in our Oscar pool.
Here at Sherman Ave, our love for Jennifer Lawrence has been fairly well-documented. So while Jessica Chastain, Naomi Watts, Emmanuelle Riva, and Quvenzhané Wallis were all okay I guess, no woman can ever compare to the walking exemplar of fierce perfection that is JLaw. So instead of discussing in excruciating detail how those other four actresses could never hope to live up to Jennifer, I thought I’d simply compile the top ten reasons Jennifer Lawrence deserves the Academy Award for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her work in Silver Linings Playbook.
Said Packingham, “Oh my God, I swear this has never happened before.”
EVANSTON — Move over, Pippa Middleton! Jennifer Lawrence, shining star of the Hunger Games, has verbally agreed to remove her shirt in Ross Packingham’s wet dream, scheduled for release next Friday night.
“Just the shirt, please dear god,” Lawrence allegedly said. “Anything else and I’d be really really uncomfortable.”
I’d let him call me Your Worshipfulness any day
With all this talk of the end of the world, I’ve had plenty of time to think about all the men things I wish I could have done before we all face inevitable doom. And, because I’m home for winter break and there is absolutely nothing to do in this godforsaken town except watch TV and get drunk, these thoughts naturally led me to wonder about all the fictional characters I’ve been spending so much time watching. This list could (and does) go on forever, but I have narrowed it down to a select few. If there were a party large enough to contain all the sexy characters ever to grace our television sets, these men would be on the VIPenis list.