It’s pretty damn hard to walk around campus anymore without being attacked by an army of bright eyed students yelling at me telling me to do DM.
Oh, if only they knew.
Of course I’ll do DM. DM is an important part of student life. I might even dare to say it’s one of the best things that we do here at Northwestern. But when I say DM, I’m not referring to the DM with dancing. Real DM. Drunk Marathon. Ten glorious three hour blocks of being drunk, one right after the other, each themed with a different type of alcohol or aspect of drunkenness. 30 hours out of normal everyday life turned into a vivacious, glorious, shitshow. So why should you do DM? Well, even though it’s kind of dangerous,[i] there are still plenty of reasons to do it. Here are a few of them.
Bonus: Norris can double as a Soviet bunker circa 1977!
Rumor has it that Northwestern is full of nerds, but I bet you’re thinking that the class of 2017 is gonna be different. “We’ll socialize!” you say, “We’ll never set foot in the library!”, “We’ll skip office hours to go to impromptu jam sessions on the lakefill!”
Ah, how grand it is to be young and naive. I bet you also think that, during all of your so-called ‘free time,’ you’ll spend hours laughing and being merry with friends in the student union, pausing from your leisure only to accept a beer from your waiter, or to play with one of the freely roaming puppies.
I’m here to burst your bubble and tell you that Norris is nothing like the heavenly place you have been dreaming about.
Last week, Internet informed me of a great documentary called “Sharknado” about what happens when sharks have sex with tornadoes. Now I think it’s time that we brought the matter a little closer to home and started developing a few Northwestern-themed Sharknado sequels. So yes, Continue reading
DM officials declined to comment on whether the fact that EVERYONE JUST GOT PREGNANT FROM THIS would impact the event.
EVANSTON– Northwestern University Dance Marathon announced Thursday that Team Jacob, an organization dedicated to finding a cure for Robert Pattinson’s charming good looks, would be the the event’s primary beneficiary in 2014.
“We’ve come so far in the fight for Jacob,” DM representative Autumn Franklins said. “And we think this is a cause that the entire Northwestern and werewolf communities can really rally around.” Continue reading
Oh my god yes! ANOTHER HARLEM SHAKE DANCE!!!
A couple things that I had working against me going into DM: I slept like 4 hours a night the week before, and I had 5 cups of coffee the day of (yes I KNOW that you weren’t supposed to do that). I’m also so caffeine dependent that I might as well just take it intravenously at this point. So, like, dsklgjsiojklcxmv nerjeoijwsak. I am one tired motherfucker.
Block 1: I look around the tent. 30 hours in this bad boy. The feeling of “what the fuck have I gotten myself into god I really hate myself sometimes” comes on with the ferocity of an orgo midterm. The music starts. I bob my head with tepid enthusiasm. I should probably conserve energy. After all, it’s 30 fucking hours. I dance awkwardly. I realize that I’m not used to dancing in situations other than The Keg. I hate myself. It’s been 30 minutes. I have completely exhausted all of my dance moves. Ooh snack time! “All dancers with nut allergies please exit the tent.” Awkward, that’s me. They start playing music that people can get into (MY LIFE. WOULD SUCK. WITHOUUUUUT YOUUUUU) and this DM thing is kind of fun.
“Nap City” by Tyga will reportedly be the theme song of this year’s NM.
EVANSTON—Students in Northwestern’s Bobb-McCulloch Residence Hall have formulated plans to engage in a 30-hour Nap Marathon while the rest of the student body toils away at Dance Marathon, according to sources with knowledge of the situation.
The plan for Nap Marathon reportedly was devised Friday morning when all of Bobb woke up in a condition described as “hungover as fuck.”
“We were awakened by some chick on Dancer Relations running through the hall yelling how excited she was,” said a Weinberg sophomore who was granted anonymity to speak candidly about NM’s motivations. “That’s when we realized that we liked sleeping more than helping children with epilepsy.” Continue reading
Sometimes, one PBR just isn’t enough for a night in the stacks.
1. Michael Cera: Nursing your first natty
Hey. You’re in the corner? Oh wow, I’m in the corner too. Wow, yeah. This corner is really hopping. [Silence]. Are you having fun in this corner? Yeah. Yeah, me too. I really like this song.
Hey, so this is probably gonna come off kinda weird but I thought I’d say a couple run-on sentences in a breathy detached voice about how pretty your eyelashes looked when that dude who looks like Tori Spelling stumbled into the wall and turned the light switch on for a second and I’m sorta hoping if I tell you this I’ll get laid cause you think I’m cute. I mean I’m not like trying to tell you you’re attractive but I’m not trying to tell you you’re not or anything, I guess if it’s okay that I think you’re really attractive then yeah that’s how I meant it. Oh. Oh, yeah. You have a boyfriend. You know, I think I need another drink.
You can count on one hand the number of things that occur once every four years: the election of American presidents and Leap Years. Probably some other stuff too, but who cares. Anyway, that means today is a cause for celebration. What’s the best way to recognize this holiday? Here’s how:
You’ll fit right in with Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III
1. Apply to be a Sherman Ave writer
Yes, yes, I know. CTECs are finally up for winter quarter, but lo and behold, I have an even better way for you to procrastinate on your Buddhist Psychology homework: join us! That’s right: for the second time ever, you can apply to work at the fourth greatest NU-centric blog ever created by Evander Jones! If you still need to be convinced (in which case, what?) check out these reasons. See you soon.