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Album Review: Brown Sugar’s “Zamaane”

22 May

Zamaane

Some say that a cappella at Northwestern is like the TV show Glee. But that can’t be, because the kids on Glee bagged football players and couldn’t drink for shit, which we all know doesn’t hold true for acca-biddies and acca-bros at Northwestern.

Others posit that a cappella at Northwestern is more like Community. Marginally popular–but not enough to get people to care enough to watch every performance–and irrationally beloved among the theater community.

While all these theories and more may be true, it’s clear after the first listen that Brown Sugar‘s latest album Zamaane situates Brown Sugar as the Mad Men of a cappella at NU: Genre-defining, poignant, sexy in all the right places, and best after a glass of scotch or five.  Just so long as you ignore the fact that the Mad Men cast is more white-washed than Mitt Romney’s book group and Brown Sugar is, well, the nation’s premiere co-ed South Asian collegiate a cappella group.

Continue reading 

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Millions Rejoice At The Thought Of Beyoncé Having Sex

17 May

NEW YORK– Revelers took the streets worldwide Friday as news broke that Beyoncé is expecting a second child, indicating that Our Queen has indeed engaged in sexual intercourse once again.

Spontaneous celebrations were seen in cities in more than 180 countries, with crowds carrying banners and signs adorned with such slogans as “CONGRATS HOVA,” “TWICE AS NICE,” “BEY HAD SEX! KEG KEG KEG!” and “I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT BEYONCE’S BOOBIES :D

This is how u make bey-bees duh.

This is how u make bey-bees duh.

Those in the crowds said that as soon as they heard the news of B’s second coital, they dropped everything to take to the streets. Continue reading 

The 5 Artists Most Likely to Fill the Final Two Dillo Day Slots

14 May

As Dillo Day approaches, the Northwestern Student body at large is counting the days and wondering: who will be the final two acts?  With the announcements that both Walk the Moon and Danny Brown will be performing, along with the expected announcement of Smash Mouth, students and arbitrary townies of Evanston now wait with baited breath to learn who else will be whetting their Dillo palates.  After extensive research and multiple FOIA requests, we at Sherman Ave have narrowed the list of potential performers down to five artists who we believe, while they may not all be fan favorites, are the acts that are most likely to fill those spots.  In no particular order:

“Daft Punk has a new album coming out?  I didn’t know that!” - Nobody

“Daft Punk has a new album coming out? I didn’t know that!” – Nobody

1. Daft Punk
With their new album Random Access Memories set for a May 17th release, what better place to promote it than at the spring festival for a medium-sized private university in Evanston, Illinois?  Not only would Dillo Day be excellent exposure for the grossly under-promoted French electronic duo, but such a gig would be a great platform from which to kick off a surprise tour of North America.  Daft Punk would most likely be the nighttime headliner, and, not to editorialize, but such a slot could prove problematic for the duo, as they would have to fill the very large shoes of last year’s nighttime headliner, Steve Aoki.  Speaking of which…

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Companies Begin Bidding War on New Vampire Weekend Songs

9 May

The upcoming release of Vampire Weekend’s new album has incited a bidding war among major American companies, with the feeding frenzy for these hot pieces of Americana will only get more intense as the release date approaches, according to industry analysts.

Some in the industry, speaking on the condition of anonymity to admit they haven’t listened to the album, say that speculated players like Ralph Lauren and Toyota have entered the bidding sphere for the rights to use the songs in ads, and possible spending looks to climb to $10 or even $20 million dollars for the license rights to one of their toe-tapping, wallet-clutching beats. Sources at Bloomberg are saying they wouldn’t be surprised to see the songs enter into an IPO.

Vampire Weekend's 2008 release sold nearly half a million copies, and more than a quarter million chandeliers.

Vampire Weekend’s 2008 release sold nearly half a million copies, and more than a quarter million chandeliers.

Senior VP of Marketing for Ralph Lauren, Lauren Elkins, has already made a statement as to what Ralph Lauren will do with the song: “We’re thinking of taking a sepia-tinted photo montage of a girl growing up in Ralph Lauren clothes to the song Diane Young.” Continue reading 

SHAPE to Give Presentation on How To Not Give Forced Blowjob to Danny Brown

3 May

We all know exactly what this face means.

EVANSTON – In response to Mayfest bringing rapper Danny Brown to Dillo Day, Sexual Health and Peer Educators announced today that they are offering a 45-minute presentation the preceding day to discourage students from jumping on stage and shoving Danny Brown’s dick in their mouths without his explicit consent. Continue reading 

Mayfest Goes After DildoDayShits.com

30 Apr

EVANSTON– The Mayfest executive board announced Tuesday night that the organization will go all out in an attempt to take down the unofficial DildoDayShits.com website.

"Stop buying dildos." - Mayfest

“Stop buying dildos.” – Mayfest

“We will share their link, tell our friends about it and post on every social media platform if we have to,” Mayfest President Sam Lowell said. “I’m serious, we will literally make sure that every student at this school has heard of DildoDayShits.com.”

The move comes as Mayfest, which puts on Dillo Day, Northwestern’s annual celebration of poor decisions and disregarding ENU’s, battles a number of other unofficial Dillo websites, including D-Day.com, DillonPanthers.com and DillPickles.com.

“Let me be clear,” added Lowell. “Dillo Day is a drunken bacchanalia featuring washed up musical acts, not a lurid sex act featuring imitation genitalia. This website, featuring a Kardashian sister, IS NOT LEGITIMATE. By no means should students who have any desire to avoid prurient material visit the website.”

DildoDayShits.com said in a statement that “Mayfest can go shove it up their ass… after they purchase it on DildoDayShits.com!”

Evander Jones contributed to the reporting of this Sharticle.

Heinous Things: Icona Pop

22 Apr
They don't care. They fucking LOVE it.

They don’t care. They fucking LOVE it.

Toward the beginning of this year, someone in my dorm decided to completely cover a toilet seat with her or his own feces. All hell broke loose. Email blasts filled our inboxes. Hall government held emergency meetings. Maintenance workers vehemently vacuumed the faces of students as they passed by, later defending their actions as “helpful catharsis.” NU Residential Services was in shambles.

And do you know what this brazen, malicious, excrement-wielding student whispered to herself or himself as she or he fell asleep every night?

“I don’t care. I love it. I don’t care.” Continue reading 

Album Review: Northwestern Undertones’ “Rock Paper Shotgun”

20 Apr

A cappella is not for everyone.  Some people don’t like the overly-peppy feel.  Some people think a cappella ruins their favorite songs.  Some people simply prefer to keep their “dows” in the stock exchange and their “joos” in the synagogue.  But regardless of whether you love, like, or even appreciate a cappella music, you should seriously listen to “Rock Paper Shotgun,” the 4th studio album from Northwestern University’s Undertones.

The Undertones provide a selection of eleven unique, but cohesive songs.  Each song brings something new, innovative, and orally aurally pleasing, and yet each song maintains a remarkable level of technical skill, musicality, and soul.  Each arrangement was clearly crafted with a wealth of expertise, thought, and vision; each soloist sings with emotion and finesse; each song fits the pieces together perfectly.

The album starts with the smooth, intriguing voice of Eliza Palasz, the soloist on “Plain Gold Ring,” originally performed by the offbeat and weird-as-shit Kimbra.  Her voice is soon complimented a rich alto section and etherial hums in the male sections.  The song, though starting out serene and mysterious, reaches some impressive dynamic peaks, giving way to the soloist’s breathtaking high-range belt, which she casually whips out like Lyndon Johnson at a press conference.  The track comes again to a soft close, ending with a reiteration of a clever recurring tribute to “Settle Down,” another one of Kimbra’s songs.  Overall, this opening track showcases top-notch musicality and attention to detail, as well as an uncanny ability to create an atmosphere for a song that draws the listener in immediately. Continue reading 

Morty Sings Justin Timberlake (feat. Elizabeth Tisdahl)

14 Apr
Take it to the briiiiidge

Take it to the briiiiidge

In an unprecedented demonstration of town-gown unity, Northwestern president Morton Schapiro and Evanston mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl have teamed up to bring sexy back.

The collaboration marks the second song featuring Tisdahl, a.k.a. “Lizzy T,” to be released in a month. Her first release of April was a dis-track collaboration with First Ward Alderman Judy Fiske, entitled “Tivalick My Balls.”

Go ahead, be gone with it.

Beyoncé “Super-Jealous” of Chet Haze’s Talent

12 Apr
Beyoncé, shortly after throwing her hands up in the air because she knows that she's the hottest baby.

Beyoncé, shortly after throwing her hands up in the air because she knows that she’s the hottest, baby.

In an exclusive interview with Sherman Avenue, seventeen-time Grammy award winner Beyoncé Knowles praised Chet Haze’s latest video, “Finest Girl,” as “the most promising display of raw talent I have ever seen.”

The star of Dreamgirls shared her high opinions of Chester Marlon Hanks, better known as “Chet Haze” in the rap community, whose introspective video about not remembering whether he got the digits of a girl at a club debuted yesterday.

“I thought it was an incredibly insightful commentary on today’s suffering economy. The subtle reference to Nietzsche really demonstrated his lyrical skill, concern with really deep topics, and how much he’s really learned from his classes at Northwestern. And the way that girl clearly took her makeup cues from Jenna Marbles, I just – it says so much about women’s role in culture these days.” Continue reading 

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