Thanksgiving is a time for family and togetherness, but it’s also a time for loving. Check out some our top tips for making your Thanksgiving the sexiest one yet. Continue reading
Browse the CDs for sale and contemplate how far Fiona Apple has fallen.
Consider who actually even buys CDs anymore.
Pretend to be foreign and convinced that Starbucks is, in fact, a bank. Become angry when they will not allow you to make a withdrawal.
Nap. Continue reading
EVANSTON, Ill. — In a press conference earlier today, Norris Center’s executive director Kelly Schaefer announced that the student center has closed the recently opened Subway restaurant and replaced it with troughs of “food slop.”
“Over the past few weeks, we’ve received a massive influx of negative student feedback following the opening of a Subway restaurant in Norris Center to provide healthy dining options for students. In response to this radical response we’ve decided that you can all go Continue reading
This is for those of you who will be brave enough to hurdle the biggest barrier to getting a date at Northwestern: actually just fucking asking someone out already. The journey from being the person who judges the couple holding hands while waiting in line for sushi to being the person who has a boyfriend or girlfriend to help you make fun of the couple holding hands while waiting in line for sushi can be long, strenuous, and very occasionally sexually satisfactory. The following guide will help immerse yourself in Northwestern’s insulated stultifying vibrant dating scene. Or at least help snag you a warm body to fasten yourself to during winter quarter.
The First Date
Kafein: Good place for hipsters to grab a caramel turtle mocha and split a warmed up cookie. If conversation lulls, you can always heckle the townies doing stand up on Monday nights.
With a Yelp review, a back story reigns supreme over the actual quality of a venue. Yelpers let the world know who they are, where they’ve been and where they’re going, much like a rapper’s first album. Writers Cobra Lederham and Ross Packingham entered the crowded Evanston Yelp review market to Continue reading
There’s nothing like the sweet flavor of an unpaid internship.
Seriously. There literally is nothing like that. Unpaid internships taste like shit, because most internships boil down to three-plus months of ass kissing and there’$ nothing to $weeten the deal.
Plus, you’re starving. Because when you’re in New York, San Francisco or any other city where each square foot of rent costs the sum total of Dolly Parton’s plastic surgeries, do you have the cash to spare for sustenance?
$ign$ point to n0.
Sherman Ave editor Evander Jones teamed up with food blog What I’m Eating for Lunch’s curator Jameson Bulwinkle to provide a comprehensive statistical analysis—or bartistical analysis, if you will—of the Evanston and Chicago bars most frequently frequented by Northwestern undergraduates. But first, an explanation of the bartistical categories analyzed by Evander and Jameson:
Yelp Rating: How many Yelp starts the bar received, out of a maximum potential of five.
Distance from the Arch: As estimated in walking distance by Google Something Maps.
Best Weekly Special: The best available special the bar offers on a day of the week.
VORN: Value Over Replacement Night. This bartistic measures how much more valuable the bar’s weekly special night is compared to a random night at the same bar given the same blood alcohol content. A VORN of 5.4, for instance, means that the bar’s weekly special night is 5.4 times better than a random non-special average night at the same bar.
Food, Ambiance, and Drinks: All subjective scores, out of a maximum of ten points, assigned by Evander and Jameson.
OoS: Odds of Scoring. What is the percentage chance of an average Northwestern student patron hooking up with another patron from the bar?
BPT: Biddies per Townie. What is the ratio of biddies to townies at the bar?
ABP: Average beer price. ABP’s with asterisks are actual average prices, not estimates.
Once upon a time, there was a cat named Tom Migon. He was an amazing and incredibly intelligent cat.
Tom Migon, instead of choosing a life of fame or fortune, chose to dedicate himself to a life of service. He opened a charitable organization called The Keg of Evanston. The Keg of Evanston was meant for cats who wanted to meet each other and have fun.
Hamburger you disgust me.
Hamburger I don’t care where you came from.
I don’t know where to find you on a cow, or a horse
or whatever else you may be made of.
Secretly I find the mystery exciting.
Hamburger I know you’ve been getting fatter over the years
but that’s alright.
I had a brief affair with Subway and she’s been good to me,
but you’ll always have more to love.
I sat in Norris. Buzzer in hand, I waited for my Mexican fare from Rick Bayless’ Frontera Fresco.
I waited for my food and held my buzzer and sipped my Aqua Frescas and thought of the war. I thought of Pedro. Brave Pedro. The theater major next to me was tweeting about Beyoncé. 140 characters is far too long for a true man to express his passion.
It is cold outside, but I feel warm. The taste of Fresh-Made Jalepeño Cilantro Tortilla Chips reminds me of Pedro and Pedro’s men. In the mountains of Spain. Pedro, a brave man, a man of a man. Pedro and I, sipping wine out of the Franzia box in the mountains, waiting for death. Pedro cleaning his gun.