Sherman Ave writers are thankful for the bad people in the world who are reading Sherman Ave on Thanksgiving. Here are some things you can do to make us proud. Continue reading
1. You were trying to go to the library but it took too goddamn long to cross Sheridan.
2. The government was shut down.
3. You were looking for the crepe place in Norris.
4. You got impaled by a biker so now you lie bleeding.
5. You were writing a strongly worded letter to your local congressman.
If you’ve ever been to a college party, you are probably uncomfortably familiar with the sinking feeling associated with an improper ratio of mixers to alcohol. At Sherman Ave parties, we then resort to chasing with our own heinousness. But that’s pretty advanced and I don’t recommend it. So, instead of you running out to 7-Eleven and endangering the lives of others, allow me to help you help yourself. Let’s get weird.
1. Gummy vitamins
THIS WORKS. These nutrient-rich gelatinous delights immediately cut the burn of cheap vodka. Bonus: if they contain B-vitamins, they may actually help prevent a hangover. PREMED.
In lieu of the ”OH EHM GEE you guys look at all these pictures of my summer abroad, oh my gawd I’m having the most incredible adventure” Facebook album, I’ve opted to express my feelings on Cuba, a truly beautiful country, through a more heinous medium (wait let’s be honest I’m still posting Facebook pictures. The only reason there aren’t more is that the internet is slow as balls).
Cuba is incredible and different from anywhere I’ve ever been. I learned a shit-ton in five weeks, but I’m still very much an outsider. But my Spanish is better and I have an increased penchant for rum. My salsa moves, however, are still a work in progress. The hope is that after three more weeks I’ll look less like an epileptic chicken.
Congratulations on your acceptance to Weinberg College of Arts and Sceinces! It’s a magical place where humanities majors do whatever it is they do while premeds commiserate. If your parents are pressuring you into becoming a doctor you’re thinking about going pre-med, you sure as hell better study this guide before stepping foot into Chem 101.
DO go to office hours. That shit is helpful. Also, figure out a systematic way to study that works for you and your brain. It’s a process of trial and error, but once you figure it out you’ll be a rock star.
…that’s actually the only “Do” I can think of, because did I mention that I’m a Sherman Ave writer so I don’t have my shit together?
Northwestern Tour Guide Applications are due tomorrow. Here’s a copy of one Sherman Ave writer’s last-second application.
7 digit student ID number : 696969!
Attach a picture of yourself to this application
1. Why do you want to be a part of the Tour Guide Community?
From an early age, I have had an insatiable desire to walk backwards while talking to high-achieving high school students and their overbearing parents.
A couple things that I had working against me going into DM: I slept like 4 hours a night the week before, and I had 5 cups of coffee the day of (yes I KNOW that you weren’t supposed to do that). I’m also so caffeine dependent that I might as well just take it intravenously at this point. So, like, dsklgjsiojklcxmv nerjeoijwsak. I am one tired motherfucker.
Block 1: I look around the tent. 30 hours in this bad boy. The feeling of “what the fuck have I gotten myself into god I really hate myself sometimes” comes on with the ferocity of an orgo midterm. The music starts. I bob my head with tepid enthusiasm. I should probably conserve energy. After all, it’s 30 fucking hours. I dance awkwardly. I realize that I’m not used to dancing in situations other than The Keg. I hate myself. It’s been 30 minutes. I have completely exhausted all of my dance moves. Ooh snack time! “All dancers with nut allergies please exit the tent.” Awkward, that’s me. They start playing music that people can get into (MY LIFE. WOULD SUCK. WITHOUUUUUT YOUUUUU) and this DM thing is kind of fun.
The Academy Awards have provided viewers with many reasons to hate them and very few reasons to love them. Every year the producers of the awards try and fail to make the show more entertaining. Like when they tried to appeal to different audiences by getting Anne Hathaway and James Franco to host (I’m still unclear on what the target audience was. Stoners and theater nerds? Because Anne Hathaway was definitely a theater kid in high school. And James Franco probably wasn’t THAT high, that’s just how his face and vocal inflections are.)