#GetFuckedVandy

5 Sep

Dear Vandy,

Get fucked.

Seriously. We mean it. From the 20 of us hanging around Evanston and the scores more waiting at home in Westchester for school to start, Wildcat nation would like to invite you to get fucked come this Saturday night.

Wipe that smile off your face and pay attention. We’re not talking about “getting fucked up,” so you can leave your Miller Chill and Croakies back with your Brad Paisley in that just-southern-enough-to-make-you-feel-uncomfortable city you call home.

No. Vandy, you’re going to get fucked so bad the University will have to change its nickname from the Commodores to the Rear Admirals.

When the lights come on at Ryan Field this weekend, prepare to get smoked by the Wildcats like it’s the U.S. News and World Report college rankings.

#SyracuseGotFucked

Don’t say we didn’t warn you when the Northwestern Stripes Wildcats roll through your defenses like General Sherman. I mean, let’s be honest here: Colter and Siemian are the most dangerous one-two combination the City of Nashville has faced since Major General George H. Thomas and Major General John Schofield kicked your ass in 1864.

Sure, Jordan Rodgers hooks up with Jordan Matthews more often than your frat brothers score with biddies in stupidly oversized hats. And yes, our defense has been known to Dukakis away a lead or two in the past. But at least our coach isn’t the biggest chauvinistic prick your school has produced since Jay Cutler, an impressive feat coming from a school like Vanderbilt.

When did being the doormat of the entire SEC allow for you to eschew all reason and presume you would not get entirely fucked this Saturday? If the robber baron founder of Vanderbilt University could conceivably win a douche-off against Northwestern’s genocide-apologist forebearer, is that really a good thing?

#GetFuckedVandy isn’t just a hashtag. It’s a promise. Venric Mark will annihilate you. Chi Chi Ariguzo will strangle you. Pat Fitzgerald will outman you and Kyle Prater will dickslap Al Gore just for good measure.

Get fucked Vandy.

Cordially,
Evander Jones

LIKE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE to sign our petition to stop the Vanderbilt University Football Team’s brutal clubbing of baby seals.

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32 Responses to “#GetFuckedVandy”

  1. Jonathan September 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    hahahahha looks like the pussies are gettin’ mad.. we’ll see how that “promise” works out for ya..

    Go ‘Dores and Anchor Down is all i will say for now…. but I’ll be back after y’all get rocked.

    Cheers to an exciting game and no injuries

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:44 pm #

      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  2. Simon (@VandyFan_Simon) September 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    Ha, you guys are cute. We’re going to #AnchorDown in Evanston. Good luck! SEC…

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

      you need a new anchor
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  3. P September 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

    Northwestern was named after an airline or a bank or a drug store chain, I think?

    Anybody know how the school that is Chicago is called Northwestern?

    Forgive me…I believe, the school is located Northwest of Chicago…that’s it, right?

    • Shelby September 8, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

      Northwestern was named after the Northwest Territory when that was the western border of the United States. Know you history before you make an ass of yourself. And to the rest of you, though we may win or lose, we like to get pumped up just like any other school. Don’t tell me you don’t trash talk. Oh, and you should know this is a satirical website, so things are likely to be hyperbolized. Now let’s just watch some football.

  4. Monica September 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    Truly classy folks at Southwestern…but then what do you expect coming out of Chicago! Go Dores!

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

      It’s Northwestern you inbred southern hick
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  5. Simon (@VandyFan_Simon) September 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    Boom

  6. Black & Gold Recruiting September 5, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANCHOR DOWN!! I’ll be back on Sunday to discuss some more Commodore football.

    Signed,

    The owner of a classy Vanderbilt blog.

  7. deefrom atlanta September 5, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    How can we get fucked when you are going to be our bitch? Here’s to a good game and no injuries.

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm #

      Never seen rain before?
      #whosthebitchnow
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  8. Jeremy September 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

    This is the best thing I’ve read all day

  9. fitzgerald_is_a_whiny_bitch September 5, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

    BWAWAWA you dont really believe this trash do you? i mean northwestern kids are supposed to be smart.

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

      We are smart.
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  10. Stripes Can Suckit September 5, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

    Thougtfully written. I’m impressed. We don’t see that much of a beautifully articulated argument down here very often. All I will say to that is….Can’t wait…..Vandy is going to Stomp your weak shit into the ground!!

  11. markNwhitebluff September 5, 2012 at 9:41 pm #

    You must be schooled in rhetoric. NW must be quite proud of the “20″ of you and your parents also. Tell you what, we will simply kick in your teeth on the field and then politely tell you good game after its all said and done.

    You just did your school a disservice. Good representation of NW. Props boys!

  12. Kerrigjl September 5, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

    Can’t wait for Sunday morning’s #nuwalkofshame

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

      Can’t wait for Sunday morning’s #vandywalkofshame
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  13. dee6634 September 5, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    Or is it Bitches?

  14. Devellion Dore September 6, 2012 at 5:39 am #

    IDK guys, I cant tell if this dude is serious. I would surely hope that he just came back from a 2 week meth binge when he wrote this garbage. I can not imagine that he really thinks that the demolition job that is about to happen to NU will be in reverse. If this indeed turns out to be your real assesment of things to come then you sir may want to start picking out a good brand of rope with which to hang yourself come Saturday night. LMFAO GTFO

  15. Devellion Dore September 6, 2012 at 5:42 am #

    Oh yeah,btw, DORES MUTHAFUKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. vandybubble September 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    chauvinistic prick??? you wish your coach was that big of a fuckin boss. any guy that uses the word chauvinistic should literally yank the string to take their tampon out. can’t wait to shit all over you this weekend and for you to take this fuckin post down so you don’t have to see us blow your shit blog up #wildpussies #anchordown

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

      Sorry we use big words bro.
      #pussydores #anchorup
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

  17. Funkinator September 8, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

    #Anchordown
    Let’s go black and gold!

    This is kind of cute in a weird way. This article is like a pitiful little child throwing a tantrum against a much stronger, better, happier, and generally more awesome person. For the folks at NW that don’t understand metaphors the second person is symbolic of Vandy.
    Have a great game and enjoy having no quarterback for awhile!

    • Vandyfan September 8, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

      When you explain a joke, it takes away from the meaning of the joke.
      #youdontgethumor #twoquarterbacksarebetterthanone
      #Gotfuckedvandysuckshowyoulikedemapples

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