Have you ever imagined what it would be like for Mitt Romney to have his own sitcom — or rather, Mitt-com — on BET? I mean really thought it about? Well we hear at Sherman Ave have thought about it in great detail, and we have decided to share our best ideas for such an amazing creation, with you, our loyal followers. Here is a list of the best Mitt-coms the minds of Sherman Ave (and its contributors) could create:
Disclaimer: Heinous amounts of puns and rhyming are contained in this article.
“Mitt in Pitt:” Mitt Romney lives with Wiz Khalifa in the inner city of Pittsburgh, getting into all sorts of “shenanigans” in their quest for some dank shit and foreign policy experience. (Possible Line: “Kush? Is that, like, related to a couch cushion or something?”)
“That Mitt Cray:” Mitt Romney and Ann Romney are the game-makers as their five children compete to the death in the corporate arena. Whoever makes the most money gets to take healthcare away from the others!
-Sir Edward Twattingworth III
“Ball and Mitt:” Mitt is a retired baseball player trying to live vicariously through his son’s tee ball team.
“Ain’t That Some Mitt:” Mitt Romney is the (supposedly) lovable boss of a local struggling grocery store, constantly cutting employees and their benefits and attempting to get them to like him in the process.
“Hot Shhhhh-M-itt!:” Mitt Romney travels through America’s heartland, visiting the small businesses that make our country great, culminating in a shot in which he points at the product/service in question and stiffly delivers, to everyone’s mild discomfort, his catchphrase, “That’s some hot sh-Mitt!”
-The Artist Formerly (And Presently) Known as Kai
”ForMITTable Opponent:” Mitt tries to take on professional athletes, scientists, and others in their respective professions (Spoiler Alert: He fires anyone who doesn’t let him win).
“The CoMITTern:” Mitt goes back in time to 1919 and partakes in Lenin’s Communist International First World Conference to learn the true meaning of Socialism.
“Stuck in the MITTle with You:” Mitt Romney works as a city relationship consultant, trying to get couples to realize that the faults of their relationships are just due to the fact that they have not cut enough of the excess expenditures out of their day-to-day lives — like eating.
“Acquit Mitt:” A legal dramatic comedy starring Mitt Romney as an ace attorney who can solve any case, buoyed by an ensemble cast of black stereotypes.
-Sad Bones Malone
“Misfit Mitt:” Mitt Romney hangs out with a bunch of black people. This is probably the simplest one. And honestly? The funniest.
-Sad Bones Malone
“Mitt-town Girls:” Mitt plays the lovable friend of 2 beautiful 20-something working girls. They think he’s gay, but he’s really just sensitive, awkward, and a devout Mormon.
-Commandant Leo Sextoi
“Unfit Mitt:” A sitcom depicting if Mitt Romney won the 2012 Presidential Election, and his subsequent misadventures in office.
-Sad Bones Malone
“I Like Mitt Sunny-Side Up:”Mitt Romney works as a chef at a Philadelphia 24-hour diner. Starring Sherman Hemsley as the owner and Donald Glover as Mitt’s outlandish best-friend and co-worker (Tagline: The customers at this restaurant like their soup served with Crackers).
“Mittrro 2033:” Based VERYYY loosely on the cult classic horror videogame, Mitt plays a subway station administrator from the future who must fight off hordes of zombies. The catch? He’s actually hallucinating from the fumes in the metro station, causing him to believe they’re zombies when they’re actually the wealthy commuters he has sworn to protect.
“In Deep Mitt:” Mitt Romney works at a local sewage company. The main theme: Mitt Romney covered in feces. Hilarity ensues.
“Her-mitt Talks:” Herman Cain and Mitt Romney swap stories about cooking, taxes, and their favorite boutiques.
I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as we enjoyed writing it. Let us all pray that the producers at BET get to work on at least one of these ideas because, let’s be honest, there are few things funnier than the awkwardness that is Mitt Romney around African-Americans.
If you have any other suggestions for possible Mitt-based BET Sitcoms, don’t hesitate to CALL ME MAYBE!