Why My Birthday Is the Worst

11 Jun

I turned twenty this year. For many reasons, the weeks leading up to my birthday were filled with dread. “But Krystal,” you may say, “How could you have dreaded your birthday? After all, your birthday is theoretically the raddest of rad days! Weren’t you even a little excited?” Well you see, back when I was a naïve and ignorant youth much like yourself, I eagerly anticipated the annual celebration of my first breath of life. But now, being the wise and mature twenty-year-old that I am, I know better. Some scoff at my anti-birthday stance, calling me an attention whore and a negative bitch (actually verbatim). But I have my reasons. This one goes out to all the h8rz.

…Seriously? Again?

1. The drama. Oh, the drama!
Planning on spending time with friends? You’d better include literally everyone you’ve ever met, that is, unless you want to spend your entire day saying “Oh that? That was really last-minute and suuuper unorganized, otherwise of course you would have been there!!!!! As if my birthday would be even remotely enjoyable without you!!!” It doesn’t matter what you say. People will be offended.

Or maybe you’re hoping your friends have pooled their resources to get you something special for your big day, like an inflatable house or a jet pack. Nothing too big. Spoiler alert: You will be let down, and you will very likely spend your birthday crying in a bathroom stall. Please, set the bar low. I’m telling you.

2. “So. This is how you spend your birthday. Um, okay, loser.”
The inevitable disappointment that accompanies each birthday has taught me to aim for a mediocre day. The unfortunate side effect is that everyone else makes me feel unexciting and lame. When I get the “So what did you do for your birthday?!!?!?!?!” as I do every year, and when I respond with something along the lines of “Well, ya know, I saw some friends, and, uh … painted my nails, I guess,” I am never fully prepared for the level of nonverbal judging that follows. “Woooooow,” their eyes seem to say. “That’s how she spent her birthday? Well, a huge confidence boost for me, that’s for sure. I wonder if she even has any friends, or if she just made that part up. This is just sooooo sad.”

PLZ STOP I HAVE FRIENDZ U DON’T NO MY LIFE.

When the eff did THIS happen???

3. Wait… Twenty? No!!! I still watch Dragon Tales, for God’s sake! I don’t even know how to order coffee!!!
Laundry? Asparagus? Taxes? Thank-you notes? Hostess gifts?????? And I’m supposed to just do these things without being told? On my own???? I don’t remember asking for this.

4. Let’s count the number of people who couldn’t care less.
Facebook time! Let’s see whose birthday it is today… uh, who? Hmmm. Yeah, so I know it’s your birthday and everything, buttttttt… [Unfriend]

At least other peoples’ birthdays are good for something. Each day, that little red reminder in the upper right corner of my Facebook forces me to ask myself which “friends” I actually know. If it weren’t for birthdays, my list of Facebook friends would be overflowing with randos and 99% of my newsfeed would be completely irrelevant. On my birthday, however, not only do a few people unfriend me (NOOOOOOOOO!!!!), but also, every gesture of indifference is accompanied by an extra twinge of sadness. “The nerve of that driver! Doesn’t he know it’s my birthday?” I ask myself, before realizing, “Of course he doesn’t know. Most people don’t. In the scheme of things, my birthday doesn’t matter. And neither do I.

NIHILISM. OHHHHH SHIT.

5. The clock is ticking.
But I haven’t been in a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie yet! Or been to Disneyworld!!! AND OH MY GOD I’M NOT EVEN TAGGED IN 1000 PICTURES ON FACEBOOK.

It’s as if I haven’t even begun to live.

About these ads

2 Responses to “Why My Birthday Is the Worst”

  1. psychic source promotion codes August 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    psychic source coupon psychic source coupon 2012

    Psychic Source Go over

    psychic source coupon 2012

    Inexperienced ones out there people young and old rely upon clairvoyants, loads of you should not. It’s possible why the key reasons why a number of queries on the subject of clairvoyants is they a number of people young and old professing becoming clairvoyants who definitely are merely tricks, defining it as in order to assume actually are all the true clairvoyants out there. Consistently, lots of people year after year head for Psychic systems seeking out enable coupled with support by working with certain matters. Psychic Source is among the most well known systems on-line, reduce really be the network system our staff members covers in the critique.

    Psychic Source Profile

    Psychic Source is among the largest coupled with son Psychic systems. They have been out there for 25 numerous years handing readings. They supply mobile readings Twenty-four hours a day, a week every week. At the world that a good number of Psychic systems actually are run off by just twilight firms that create an actual hotline, managed a few months by just fleecing their clientele by working with stashed bills, after which it evaporating to get working in the future inside many different appoint, the truth that Psychic Source has had this end shows that likely the grade of quite a bit intriguing utilizing psychic systems.

    How is Psychic Source Different

    Concerning the seem three or more large stuffs that identifies Psychic Source except numerous Psychic systems. Initially, that they window capability clairvoyants when letting them sign up with a person’s network system planting these individuals by having a set of assesses this is used to eliminate the exact artificial Psychics and keep the finest and quite good Psychics in order for the prospects is without a doubt collateralized a traditional and personal learning.
    Instant, the exact Psychic Source network system simply poses customers and prospects with percentage a person’s psychic readings coupled with requires these facts to boost their internet site coupled with trail a person’s clairvoyants to function in an attempt to maintain your maximum measures you can. Other, within contrast to other online websites, Psychic source won’t only issue recommendations that they issue the many testimonials pros and cons.

    Types of Blood pressure measurements

    The internet site uses well over 70 clairvoyants to allow them to produce different learning most notably: Fortune tellers, style publication readings, zodiac, coupled with tarot plastic cards. This url aims at on individual instead of venture support. Yet ,, seems perfectly circular from the individual learning things.
    Psychic Source has also charged for that learning ahead of time for this reason there is no stashed expenditures so if you’re not really 100% satisfied with your current really last learning you don’t need to cover. And that almost all is perceived pretty.

    Is usually Psychic Source A good Multi-level?

    Lots of evaluates We possibly could realize to Psychic Source ended up being incredibly encouraging, yet unfortunately believably for this reason. Choice provide Psychic Source for myself since I are somewhat of a skeptic. I’ll express that the exact readings I appears to be anything but fundamental, and Psychic I really talked to do not just received the numerous people in our grandkids rectify not having inquiring about distinct debate yet unfortunately, simply precisely recounted my own friendship with every of my own bros. I’ll simply exclaim I was especially contented on the learning I really picked up. At the same time, there is sole indeed technique to know if Psychic source may the real guy. Test drive it yourself.

    Please click here To search The very Psychic Source Site

    psychic source coupon 2012

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Lessons From My Sister’s 16th Birthday Party | WonderWimp - September 17, 2012

    [...] are bad on every level. (I’ve already written about this, but now I could say even [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 571 other followers

%d bloggers like this: