May Heinous: Selection Sunday

29 Apr

Here at Sherman Ave, history runs almost as deep as rampant xenophobia. Now, it is with great pride and joy that we introduce to you, dear loyal reader, the first inaugural May Heinous beer pong tournament.

Featuring 64 of world’s finest historical figures vying for the ultimate prize, the prestigious Morty Schapiro Cup, May Heinous is the world’s first and foremost beer pong tournament comprised solely of the various notables you defaced in your AP Euro textbooks. Randomly paired into 32 teams and assigned to one of four divisions — named after official Sherman Ave endorsed beverages — each historical figure will be challenged to demonstrate the finesse, grace, accuracy, strategy and alcohol tolerance necessary to advance to immortal glory.

In the spirit of popular democracy that most of these historical figures fought to advance, and a few sought to violently suppress, we at Sherman Ave are also exceptionally proud to announce the first-ever May Heinous tournament pool. Any reader irreverent enough to complete a May Heinous bracket and send it in to us at shermanave1@gmail.com is welcome to compete for the Morty Schapiro Championship cup, a Sherman Ave-licensed limited-edition t-shirt, and a hug.

The vaunted Morty Schapiro Cup.

Sherman Ave writers have been hard at work, tirelessly composing comprehensive breakdowns of each team’s beer pong strengths, weaknesses, and team cohesion, which shall be released throughout the week. Think of it like NCAA basketball bracketology, but without the existentialist angst and douchey commentators on ESPN.

To review: Download the bracket HERE. Complete it by copy and pasting whichever teams you think shall emerge victorious. Send it to shermanave1@gmail.com. Stay tuned to our coverage of the May Heinous tournament. Win eternal fame and glory and biddies.

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6 Responses to “May Heinous: Selection Sunday”

  1. HI!!! April 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm #

    No Miller High Life Division? I can’t support this.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. May Heinous Breakdown: Busch Light Division « Sherman Ave - May 1, 2012

    [...] we provided our coked-out fans desperate for Rogger Rabbit-themed porn loyal readers with the first May Heinous preview, a rundown of the competitive Pabst Blue Ribbon Division. Tonight we continue our coverage [...]

  2. May Heinous Breakdown: Miller Genuine Draft Division « Sherman Ave - May 6, 2012

    [...] less than 24 hours left until May Heinous brackets are due, our writers continue breaking down first-round matchups with today’s Miller [...]

  3. May Heinous Breakdown: Keystone Light Division « Sherman Ave - May 8, 2012

    [...] is almost up to submit your May Heinous bracket to Sherman Ave for your chance to grasp the Morty Schapiro Cup! To compete for this vaunted prize, [...]

  4. May Heinous First-Round Results: PBR Division « Sherman Ave - May 10, 2012

    [...] analysts recap the first-round results of this year’s May Heinous tournament, starting with the Pabst Blue Ribbon Division. After four grueling beer pong matches, [...]

  5. June Heinous First-Round Results: Keystone Light Division « Sherman Ave - June 12, 2012

    [...] this happened. But then these happened. Long story short, May Heinous has now become mid-June Heinous. [...]

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