Texting Hillary is my everything

7 Apr

Bet you anything she's sexting Howard Dean

By now, if you spend 23 hours and 45 minutes a day on the internet machine (15 minutes to shit and shower #hygiene) then you’ve probably seen the baller-fest that is this picture of Madame Secretary Hillary “Pimpz N Shit” Clinton. She sits in some sort of world-controlling military death machine, casually texting some biddies in her knock-off Ray Bans. The picture is, in essence, everything that shows why we need Hill to run for all of the offices in 2016. But why is this pikcha tearing up the online webverse? We’ve got a few ideas:

There’s like a 98% chance she’s sending an order to take out a terrorist
If you’re one of the bad people, this photo should give you shivers all up and down your spine and your neck and your heel and your inner thigh and your kneecap. That is the look of a woman who does not GAF at all. You just know she’s telling them to “try” to capture the terrorist, but if it just so happens that the only option is to fire indiscriminately into the room without looking, then so be it.*

She’s calmer than everyone because she’s smarter than everyone
LOL, look at everyone hurrying around in the background. What’re ya’ll doing? Trying to matter? Don’t even bother, your girl has it under control. See those stacks of paper in front of her? Those contain the knowledge. She has them memorized. U don’t. Put your laptops away, get off your phones, and sit quietly until Madame Secretary tells you to speak.

Hill has never looked better
Remember 90’s Hillary? With the headbands and the bright lipstick? GONE. What about 2008 Hillary? With those brightly colored pant suits? NAH MAN. This is HBIC attire at its finest. The dark suit says she may not have a pen15, but she’s got like 12 balls. The sunglasses say you don’t have the privelege of knowing where she’s looking. The Blackberry says she likes to have email at her fingertips, but a game of Angry Birds every now and then is great too. This is a woman who knows how to present herself, and we don’t hate it one bit.

The black and white makes it classy as shit
Woahhh this is so artsy. If only we could Instagram it so the hipsters can see it too.

Nuff said

It’s memeable
Fun fact: this is the most important attribute in any photo. If there isn’t a recurring theme that can be explained in a few short words of white text, why even bother putting the photo online? Like, what are we supposed to do with it? Look at it and not be heinous? YA, NO THANKS. PASS ON THAT ONE. This shit is splendid.

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*NOTE: Sherman Ave fully supports the Geneva Convention, United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, and not war crimes. Plz don’t interpret that to mean we like war crimes. #KONY2012, ya dig?

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One Response to “Texting Hillary is my everything”

  1. Prof. J. Reginald Vandernips April 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING WITH THIS

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