5 Quotes From the Pokémon Movie that Cain Probably Considered Using

10 Dec

Cain used "Grope." It's super effective

Last week, Republican presidential candidate and horny bastard Herman Cain announced the suspension of his campaign to a group of supporters (or as close to supporters as he gets) in his home state of Georgia. While the audience seemed strangely disappointed by this wondrous news, Cain managed a positive attitude. Quoting Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Cain asserted: “Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference.” Oh, did I say the quote was from Uncle Tom’s Cabin? What I meant was THE FUCKING POKEMON MOVIE. AN ADULT. A GROWN MAN DID THIS. Needless to say, this obscure and utterly atrocious quote was not, in fact, super effective. Maybe if Ash Ketchum were running for Mayor of Assclownville, a Pokémon quote would be appropriate, but in the American presidential primaries, it seems quite out of place. Yet, it does the beg questions: Which other quotes from Pokemon movies was Cain tempted to use?

5. “So this is my power…but what is my purpose?”
4. “I guess you’ll learn that playing with the big boys can be a shock in experience.”
3. “We’ve hit rock bottom!”
2. “Do you think I will have a bigger role in the next movie?”
1. “Listen to me kid, when you get involved with the opposite sex, you’re only asking for trouble.”

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6 Responses to “5 Quotes From the Pokémon Movie that Cain Probably Considered Using”

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  1. Who You Shouldn’t Be Buying Christmas Presents For « Sherman Ave - December 13, 2011

    [...] Wildcard on a bi-weekly basis. Otherwise a Keg bouncer would have more personal relationships than Herman Cain at a Victoria’s [...]

  2. 5 Reasons Why Today Sucks « Sherman Ave - January 18, 2012

    [...] somehow he’s still beating out guys with notable positive qualities (Ron Paul’s adorable voice, Herman Cain’s extensive knowledge of Pokemon quotes, Jon Huntsman appalling ability to be a GOP presidential candidate who isn’t a raging fuckhead). [...]

  3. Things That Rock: Republicans « Sherman Ave - January 18, 2012

    [...] seriously debate the 9-9-9 tax plan, you can enjoy the ceaseless stream of ridiculousness that is Herman Cain. Once Rick Santorum wins second place in the Iowa caucuses and opens the door to all sorts of [...]

  4. Newt Gingrich, South Carolina, and the Abortion of My Career in Political Commentary « Sherman Ave - January 23, 2012

    [...] possible…but half of me kept thinking that every crazy development (“oops,” Herman Cain’s Pokémon obsession, Ron Paul’s status as the voice of reason) was the zenith of absurdity, that there remained no [...]

  5. 10 Events in World History That Totally Should Have Been Pregamed « Sherman Ave - February 2, 2012

    [...] hour and then said “Let’s go hiking!” I’d take the bait like a middle-aged housewife at Herman Cain’s [...]

  6. A first-hand account of Herman Cain’s visit to Northwestern « Sherman Ave - May 8, 2012

    [...] event would be controversial, and there was only a minuscule shred of doubt that there would be a quote from the Pokemon movie; as I’ll explain later, that shred of doubt was [...]

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