Fact #1: Burger King is open 24 hours
This fact is likely the root cause of all things wonderful about this magnificent business. Any time of the day and any day of the week, Burger King opens its warm, friendly doors to the public. If you need to grab a quick lunch between classes, BK is there for you. More likely, you’ll want some heinously greasy food to put a cap on the night’s unprecedented levels of debauchery, and if you want that, BK is even more there for you. Something about BK’s double cheeseburger with fries just settles so well on a stomach full of Jose Cuervo and Arizona Iced Tea. Fact #2: Burger King has security guards on weekend nights
Yes, it seems a little bit ridiculous. And yes, it is a little bit ridiculous. But when drunk college students flock to Burger King like bees to honey, there needs to be a way to keep order. That’s why the security guards are there, and they take their job very, very seriously. If you’re waiting in line on a busy Friday and Saturday night, you will inevitably be ordered around to “GET IN LINE!” or “PIPE DOWN!” Rumor has it that the hiring process for a security guard at Burger King is incredibly selective; it’s nearly impossible to get hired if you haven’t previously worked at a maximum security prison or a concentration camp.
Fact #3: Burger King has free wi-fi
Okay, maybe it’s not that relevant. But it’s good to know.
Possibly the best aspect of Burger King is the social appeal. If you go to Burger King between midnight and 3am on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night, you are guaranteed to run into some friends and acquaintances. Whether it’s that crazy New Yorker from your hall, the quiet Korean from your Spanish class, or your TA from Intro to Macroeconomics (please God, let that happen), there are always relationships to be built and developed in this chain restaurant chapel. Ideally, you’ll be at BK at a time I call the “convergence point.” The convergence point is the magical time when students from all origins of inebriation – The Keg, the frat houses, off-campus parties, or even the 4th floor of Allison –triumphantly converge upon BK at once. A convergence point of true caliber is like a solar eclipse; it happens very rarely, but when it does, your mind is totally unable to comprehend the beauty of it.
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