Hate a Random Country: Brazil

12 Jul

Here at Sherman Ave, we take great pride in our irrational xenophobic rants about seemingly random (yet indisputably heinous) nations. But in light of recent events, we have recently come to believe that Brazil is such a flaming conglomeration of fecal matter of a country that it deserves to be called out as the nation of jackasses it really is. Fuck them.

With God on our side, America conquered

For most of the world, the USA-Brazil Women’s World Cup Game on July 10th, 2011 was their first introduction to how abhorrently vile Brazil is as a nation. The play of the women from the Federative Republic of Brazil, the only country that could possibly be worse than a commonwealth comprised solely of FIFA referees, merely typified the country’s flagrantly inferior and odious nature. Instead of simply bowing down to America’s soccer superiority, even despite the USA Women hailing from a country that follows the sport with slightly more interest than the game of sky ball, the Brazilians instead decided to force the Americans to break out their overflowing reserves of defiance and tenacity in order to give the nation the athletic bitch-slapping it deserved.

In one shocking example of Brazil’s proud spirit of douchiness, Brazilian defender Erika faked an injury with only 6 minutes left in extra time, only to spring off her stretcher once a sufficient amount of time had been sapped from the clock and the crowd was sufficiently convinced of the Samba Queens’ astounding bitchiness (also leaving me wondering that if Brazilian women are so good at faking, then how much have all those sexy Brazilian women I’ve been cavorting with really enjoyed my love-making capabilities?). But Karma is even worse of a tramp than Brazil’s Marta, allowing Abby Wambach and Hope Solo to lead the man-down American team in a glorious come back that prevented the South American nation of 190 million wankers from thinking they were any better than the scum of the earth that they are.

The nations inhabitants, fleeing to a better country where they can make a living outside of the oppressive supermodel industry

But as any Brazilian expert knows, the country’s ass-clown nature extends far beyond the soccer pitch. The nation’s flag, featuring a celestial blue orb inside a yellow rhombus inside a green rectangle, totally blows. A South Sudanese child soldier could have designed a better one for his own fledgling nation. Their President, Dilma Rousseff, is a notorious twatmuffin who reminds me of a combination of Casey Anthony and a drilldo. Other notable fuckballs from the country include soccer superstar Ronaldo and dictator Getùlio Vargas, both of whom were pompous douchebags unworthy of the ground they walked on (they also ended sentences in prepositions to showcase their hubris). Even the country’s language displays Brazil’s absurd awfulness, seeing as Portuguese is really more like drunken Spanish than an actual language of its own.

To be fair, Brazil has produced some good in the world. But besides Brazilian waxing and Adriana Lima, I’m kind of drawing blanks. Otherwise, Brazil is nothing more than a country of dickwads determined to ruin the rest of the world and the 2016 Olympic games with their crime, poverty, and Jersey-like levels of shittiness.

UPDATE: We have recently been notified that, besides producing Brazilian waxing and Adriana Lima, Brazil was also responsible for producing the magnificent wonder that is Chenny Ng, hosting Ms. Ng for an important duration of her formative years. Sherman Ave regrets this error, as Chenny is quite possibly one of the greatest humans in the world, and can guarantee that whoever was responsible for this heinous mistake has been punished accordingly.

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6 Responses to “Hate a Random Country: Brazil”

  1. Larc July 21, 2011 at 3:27 pm #

    For your information Cristiano Ronaldo is Portuguese and not Brazilian, get your facts straight. It is obviously you know nothing about soccer. You are a complete idiot from head to toe! You cannot generalize a country because of 1 game only. Every country has its own ways of being dirty, cheap and kill time in the game of soccer, and every team and player have done some type of cheap play that they later regretted. But I believe your problem is not with the game but with Brazil itself. Before you write your mediocre comments about a country, get to know them a little better, you may find there are some good and bad things about every nation. It is a person like you that gives every nation in the world a bad rep. I can tell that you know nothing about the game of soccer. I feel sorry for people like yourself that has no self/ emotional control towards other nations because of 1 game or any other stupid reasons. I will not call you racist because I just think you are a classic type of ignorant that completes a bad portion of any nation in the world. By the way the U.S. Women played an awesome World Cup and they did deserve to win. But if you do understand soccer, you realize that not always the better team wins. In your case hopefully a little bit of education and information wins the cause. If you don’t have anything good to say about a country, race, player, team, sport etc. Next time keep your comments to yourself, and don’t come with that Freedom of Speech B.S. In my book of ignorance you are a complete deuschbag!

  2. Peter Stein July 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    *douchebag

  3. mariana January 5, 2014 at 11:13 pm #

    I’m from brasil, and I’mdying of laughing. I just didn’t understood the soccer part, cause I know nothing about this, but, your text was really funny. Drunk spanish? Really? And u are totally correct about Dilma’s part. I think she is some kind of crossover with Pugs and ETs. Now, about the olimpics, Brazil is totally unprepared for this. Even I now this, and Iam only 13 years old

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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